There are more than three billion people in this planet.
Some are good, some are bad.
They're just the way they are.
I'm not saying that when people are born into this planet, God made some of us bad and some of us as good kids. When we were born, we were just little babies who are innocent and was born to continue with the species. As we grow up, we make choices everyday. For instances, "What am I gonna eat?, What to wear?, Am I gonna do my homework which is due tomorrow?, Should I study next Tuesday for an exam on Wednesday?" Whatever the things that we do, we make choices every single day, every single hour whether we like it or not.
For the past several weeks, I had been challenged to make my own choices without my parent's around where I use to lean on them - listen and take their advice. Now, I guess I'm old enough to call myself an adult. For the past several months, I've been lingering around people who has been pushing & ordering me to do what they want to see me do and not for my own benefit, ending up making myself suffer more from the others. I'm not going to say that I've not made mistakes before in my life. Yes, when something has been done, we cannot turn back time and un-do what has been done. When we were given the opportunity, it's either we would accept to take it or decline. Most of the time, when an opportunity strikes, I would go try my luck for grabs. If I get it, I thank God like any other day as it is not an opportunity which I can get everyday.
When you have done something which may not be liked by anyone, all you have to do was to aplogise to the person. For some people it may be very difficult to say you're sorry, but look at the bright side, once you've said that, you'll feel way better than before. That's what I've learnt and felt before. I admit that I'm a person who hates to lose in a game. But, lately for the past seven months, I take every competition as just a small little game and if I lose, it's a fair lost.
Everyday I wonder to myself and ask God if I've done something wrong in my daily life, whether it's in school, at home or in the mall. Wherever I was, I would replay every single second I did in the last 24 hours. If I felt that I've said something wrong to someone, I would call that particular person to explain myself and apologies straight. No questions asked. If someone had said something really upfront to me whether it's good nor bad, I would just take it in & will not tell others of how I felt. Yes, that explains the tons of loss of hair due to excessive thinking and it's sort of a disease to me. If you do not believe me, ask my parents how much of hair is lying on my room floor and bed.
I am grateful with what I have today. Although I'm so tight with cash all the time, I'm not at all ungrateful with what I have in life, my family and friends. "Money can't buy happiness" - which is so true. Stop trying to tell the whole world what you've bought in the past 24 hours or your shopping weekend. That is your problem. You don't have to compete with the rest of the world to see how much you've spent. Who cares you've spent MYR 200? All I know, you're just acting rich when you are coming from a medium-income family.
If you need money to get something really important and have always been my bestfriend, been there for me, pick me up when I fall, I would be glad to help you with what you're going through too. It's been more than a year of not claiming back on what I should have claimed back from you, and everytime when you said you're broke, I took it lightly and let it go. I've waited and waited, and waited. Now, it's my turn to say that "I need my cash back." I'm done with people hogging me with stories and bullshits to cover up your stories.
I have this quote stuck in my head which says - "You only wish to see what your eyes wanna see, but not the real truth of the person behind it". Well, to tell you the truth, I acted you like my younger brother who always has my back. Now what do I get in return? After some time of not catching up, all of a sudden, a backstabbing bitch? Wow, after hanging out with my stealer boyfriends-use-to-be-best-friend (: That's awesome isn't it? Ohh, I forgot to ask, "Did she tell you I slept with your bestfriend before? I know right!" (:
Well, atleast I've learnt my lesson to not trust people around me anymore. Well, I think it's meant to mean "not to trust anyone who's still on planet earth". The fact that is bothering me besides my money is what you've become over the fortnight. I just can't look at you anymore, or talk to you. Why not look at yourself in a mirror. I could give you less than 30 secs, you'll never be able to look at yourself.
I'm very blessed to have many people around me who cares for who I am and not what people want me to be. I love the way I am but everyone has issues, including me. Most of the time, I can't handle upsetting stories. So, I obviously had to turn to someone who I could trust at the climax point of my life. However, it's been really dreading and a killer to me when someone whom I very close too thinks I'm using people to take advantage out of them? "I'm sorry honey. If you think I'm that kind of person, I think you've met the wrong person. I'm sorry."
At that very point of my life, I just felt that maybe I should stay away from everyone during this long holiday break, cool myself down and take things at a slower pace. But your images just keep creeping into my mind. I don't wanna keep secrets between us but I just need you. I need support from people. Sigh. Why can't I be strong for myself?
Track Playing:- Pixie Lott // Use Somebody (Acoustic)Much love & posted by,
Melissa,
lowest point of my life.
info. overdose. ends. 'er.
