Tuesday, September 29, 2009 @ Tuesday, September 29, 2009
what's bothering?
Dear Diary,
It's been about a week now, being cooped inside a small container trying to find myself; the inner me. Suffocating in this little space I have, it's just too much to bare for now. I've always felt like exploding, but somehow, I don't know what is wrong with my hormones, but I tend to keep everything to myself. It's been like this for the past several months, and I'm only realising now. Yup, tears have definately rolled over my cheeks uncountable times. Barely breathing, with a broken heart, there's still healing. I just need time. I mean, seriously, I can get really emotional over small matter. For instance, being left alone from friends, friends being really mean and over the limit. Trust me, I'll explode to your face.
Somehow, the only person who can calm me down a little is none other than my boyfriend. I'm not saying my girlfriends are not doing a good job in keeping me occupied but it's just me. I'll just act as if everything is fine, but the inside is just the other way round, where no one actually can see what is going wrong. No one knows what is going on, but somehow he does. I'm just pushing myself, pushing and pushing every inch I can go further. All I know is when I get home, I'll just lock myself in the washroom and sit there for hours just to spill it over on the wall.
I'm not me.I don't feel like my usual self. Laughing like a hynna, didnt care what the world say about me. I'm just thankful for what I have in my own hands, the abilities and talents. But what I've been having to do and events that are passing by me ... I don't feel like everything's right. I need room for air.
There are many times where I wanna give up and just wanting to head over to the pharmacy and get a pill that can allow me to sleep forever, and poison me that I can just runaway from everything. But, I guess God makes us face whatever that comes by our way and we just have to face it calmly, and let it pass.
I'm hanging on.
I'm hanging on.
I'm hanging on.I'm praying hard that I'll get pass this disease I'm having.
It's killing me slowly in the inside.
I'm holding on.
Track Playing:- Lifehouse // BrokenMuch love & posted by,
Melissa,
Baby, do you know how hard it is to sit and wait for you to come home?
Friday, September 25, 2009 @ Friday, September 25, 2009
shout outs & how am i today?
Have you ever felt so satisfied in your life? Or been so happy that words can't even tell? Well, it's been awhile since I've been having this feeling. I don't know how to explain it but it's neither sad or happy. It's being loved, I guess (:
I know I've been missing once again. Well, I've been having own issues, again, as usual. Sorry, not me, I know that. But, I've been better and going through each day strongly and confidently! So, no worries folks (: I just miss blogging & being with my happening friends LOL Besides, I'm down with a fever and still recovering!
Btw, happy birthday to HL! (: Sorry can't make it to Poppy for your birthday celebration tonight. My bad bro'! Join yguys next time!
Yang is coming back tomorrow from UK. Can't wait to wish him "home-sweet-home honey!" HAHAHA
TzinHwang is gonna be busy from now onwards. So, I guess I won't be seeing him that often as I do now already =( I'm gonna miss my little prince charming sobsob. It's been really tough for me though. Trying not to cling and think too much.(!)
Well, guess that's leaving Janice & Dafne to accompany me for the next several months until I find a part time job! LOL
Track Playing:- Boys Like Girls // Love Drunk
Much love & posted by,
Melissa,
I use to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover ...
Sunday, August 30, 2009 @ Sunday, August 30, 2009
self evaluation
There are more than three billion people in this planet.
Some are good, some are bad.
They're just the way they are.
I'm not saying that when people are born into this planet, God made some of us bad and some of us as good kids. When we were born, we were just little babies who are innocent and was born to continue with the species. As we grow up, we make choices everyday. For instances, "What am I gonna eat?, What to wear?, Am I gonna do my homework which is due tomorrow?, Should I study next Tuesday for an exam on Wednesday?" Whatever the things that we do, we make choices every single day, every single hour whether we like it or not.
For the past several weeks, I had been challenged to make my own choices without my parent's around where I use to lean on them - listen and take their advice. Now, I guess I'm old enough to call myself an adult. For the past several months, I've been lingering around people who has been pushing & ordering me to do what they want to see me do and not for my own benefit, ending up making myself suffer more from the others. I'm not going to say that I've not made mistakes before in my life. Yes, when something has been done, we cannot turn back time and un-do what has been done. When we were given the opportunity, it's either we would accept to take it or decline. Most of the time, when an opportunity strikes, I would go try my luck for grabs. If I get it, I thank God like any other day as it is not an opportunity which I can get everyday.
When you have done something which may not be liked by anyone, all you have to do was to aplogise to the person. For some people it may be very difficult to say you're sorry, but look at the bright side, once you've said that, you'll feel way better than before. That's what I've learnt and felt before. I admit that I'm a person who hates to lose in a game. But, lately for the past seven months, I take every competition as just a small little game and if I lose, it's a fair lost.
Everyday I wonder to myself and ask God if I've done something wrong in my daily life, whether it's in school, at home or in the mall. Wherever I was, I would replay every single second I did in the last 24 hours. If I felt that I've said something wrong to someone, I would call that particular person to explain myself and apologies straight. No questions asked. If someone had said something really upfront to me whether it's good nor bad, I would just take it in & will not tell others of how I felt. Yes, that explains the tons of loss of hair due to excessive thinking and it's sort of a disease to me. If you do not believe me, ask my parents how much of hair is lying on my room floor and bed.
I am grateful with what I have today. Although I'm so tight with cash all the time, I'm not at all ungrateful with what I have in life, my family and friends. "Money can't buy happiness" - which is so true. Stop trying to tell the whole world what you've bought in the past 24 hours or your shopping weekend. That is your problem. You don't have to compete with the rest of the world to see how much you've spent. Who cares you've spent MYR 200? All I know, you're just acting rich when you are coming from a medium-income family.
If you need money to get something really important and have always been my bestfriend, been there for me, pick me up when I fall, I would be glad to help you with what you're going through too. It's been more than a year of not claiming back on what I should have claimed back from you, and everytime when you said you're broke, I took it lightly and let it go. I've waited and waited, and waited. Now, it's my turn to say that "I need my cash back." I'm done with people hogging me with stories and bullshits to cover up your stories.
I have this quote stuck in my head which says - "You only wish to see what your eyes wanna see, but not the real truth of the person behind it". Well, to tell you the truth, I acted you like my younger brother who always has my back. Now what do I get in return? After some time of not catching up, all of a sudden, a backstabbing bitch? Wow, after hanging out with my stealer boyfriends-use-to-be-best-friend (: That's awesome isn't it? Ohh, I forgot to ask, "Did she tell you I slept with your bestfriend before? I know right!" (:
Well, atleast I've learnt my lesson to not trust people around me anymore. Well, I think it's meant to mean "not to trust anyone who's still on planet earth". The fact that is bothering me besides my money is what you've become over the fortnight. I just can't look at you anymore, or talk to you. Why not look at yourself in a mirror. I could give you less than 30 secs, you'll never be able to look at yourself.
I'm very blessed to have many people around me who cares for who I am and not what people want me to be. I love the way I am but everyone has issues, including me. Most of the time, I can't handle upsetting stories. So, I obviously had to turn to someone who I could trust at the climax point of my life. However, it's been really dreading and a killer to me when someone whom I very close too thinks I'm using people to take advantage out of them? "I'm sorry honey. If you think I'm that kind of person, I think you've met the wrong person. I'm sorry."
At that very point of my life, I just felt that maybe I should stay away from everyone during this long holiday break, cool myself down and take things at a slower pace. But your images just keep creeping into my mind. I don't wanna keep secrets between us but I just need you. I need support from people. Sigh. Why can't I be strong for myself?
Track Playing:- Pixie Lott // Use Somebody (Acoustic)Much love & posted by,
Melissa,
lowest point of my life.
Saturday, August 22, 2009 @ Saturday, August 22, 2009
Lady Gaga VS Roisin Murphy
WHAT ?!
Lady Gaga stealing looks?
HOW SHOCKING !!!
Yes she did, according to Murphy herself, who told Irish Central: "Lady Gaga is just a poor imitation of me. She has copied my style." Provided by: Yahoo!
"Thing is, Lady Gaga is far from the only musician to take visual clues from someone else. Manic Street Preachers started out aping the Clash, with their slogan T-shirts. Coldplay nicked their French revolutionary jackets from the Sgt. Pepper sleeve (via Arcade Fire). Elvis Presley pinched his "jumpsuit-era" look from comic book hero Captain Marvel Jr.
Neither is Gaga the first musician to come over all stalkerish in her commitment to aping another artist. Kasabian's Tom Meighan would clearly kill to be Liam Gallagher. Brandon Flowers flits between wanting to be Bruce Springsteen and wanting to be the Pet Shop Boys' Neil Tennant. In La Roux's head, she's a cross between Annie Lennox and Adam Ant."Provided by: Yahoo!
Well, look at the bright side. My only feedback on this is ...
"What the hell?"
Oh come on! Obviously & honestly speaking to everyone in the world, YES!, It may be really upset-ing if someone would wanna be you yourself when they could have actually been creative themselves to not steal looks. But hey, why not take it as a compliment and say "Ohh, someone notices me and I think they're just so jealous of me" - or something like that.
It really does hurt to just follow your every movement, I've been through that. Done that.
Try looking at it from a different angle. (:
Take it as a compliment (:
To those Lady Gaga fans out there, don't feel ofended.
This is just a small matter.
Track Playing:- Trey Songz // Can't Help But WaitMuch love & posted by,
Melissa,
To standby, while he lies, and turn around & forget ...
info. overdose. ends. 'er.
